I’m still being thrown about by what just happened, still turning and spinning faster than would be safe, under normal conditions. These are not normal conditions, not right now as I write. A few minutes ago — I think it was just minutes, maybe not — I was taken by a sudden, unexpected tsunami of energy so powerful as to overwhelm everything, so delicate and precise as to find, enter, and transform each cell of my being. I can feel it now, this work, this renovation and reclamation of billions of cells to this energy, this sensation so intense, so subtle.
And completely still, complete inner stillness. Being utterly and eternally still, silent; silent, still. Within which is this energy, this vibration, this essence, this, this. . . ?
Gratitude is the word that came attached with the huge wave of energy, a thunderous echo of something primordial; it is the word that remains even as the huge wave slows slightly, settles a bit, but still monstrous and dangerous in its purity and vitality.
Synonyms of gratitude: joy, love, connection, intimacy, openness, truth, blessing, acknowledgement, appreciation, praise, kiss, touch, heart, spirit, soul, unity, transparent, vulnerable, fearless, caring, shakti, power, passion, thrilling, kindness, gentleness, humor, innocence, courage, holiness, sanctity, silence, wildness, tenderness, depth, freedom.
All these words point to felt experience. That’s what is happening now, as I write: experience, not words. But I have to use them to speak to you.
All these words, stripped of their limitations, their sheaths peeled off, revealing their essence, the essence of the words, the formlessness of them, their truth — that is what finds, penetrates, and transforms each cell. All of these stripped words joining their life streams to create a single stream of gratitude, their energetic truth released to merge and create an astounding felt experience. No single word, no single definition, however clever, could come within a million miles.
Also, wait; yes, here it is. It’s coming to consciousness with the breath, the last few, as though each breath were a wave, a vertical wave, one that comes from the deepest part of the center of life, carrying its meaning all the way to the center of my own consciousness. It’s all the synonyms, above, all their meanings and the meanings and energy of all their synonyms. All the primordial energy of these thousands of linked and connected words, all their essence, their purity, their universality.
All that suddenly swept me away. It’s not the kind of thing you can create or practice. This is too big, too vast, too humbling and destroying at the same time it is gigantic, beyond, other-worldly, cosmic. This gratitude is a tsunami of primordial energy, shakti, that sweeps, is sweeping everything away. Just that remains. The truth of it, the power of it, that is both deserving of gratitude and gratitude itself. This tsunami of gratitude is not gratitude for a thing, it is not thankfulness for abundance, or success, or wish-fulfillment. It is not by way of appreciating that you have access to clean water, and billions don’t. It includes that, but this gratitude, the one given, the one received, this one is a state of being, a universally intrinsic storm of such proportion that the stripped essence of many words are gathered together for their collective power, just as so many smaller storms join to create the perfect storm.
We can’t get this one. We can’t reach to get it. We have to open to receive it. We can only tilt towards it with love and devotion, with persistence, with faithfulness. This gratitude, this one still surging through me, this one comes as a gift, a hand up, from existence. It is a blessing, it is a holy blessing.
We can’t create it. But when it comes to us, open. Don’t resist, don’t close, don’t retreat. Don’t analyze. Don’t doubt. Just be overwhelmed, claimed, transformed. Let this holy moment, and everyone has them, we all have them, let this moment, this one right now where gratitude is surging, let this become the new normal. Drown in it. You will live. In fact, in this moment, I can tell you that until you drown in the energetic tsunami of gratitude, you are not yet alive.
Blessings and love to you!